Wanna know what a day in the flesh looks like??

Tonight was rather difficult.  Well, lets say it was extreme.  And it stunk.  But there's good that came out of it only because of God's faithfulness.  But it sucks when you can tell where the crappy day stemmed from, and it is large in part your fault.

     Today, after breakfast, the kids and I went to the dry cleaners to drop some stuff off.  In that same shopping center was a bead shop I've been wanting to go in.  Since it was such a cool day and nice for walking, we walked the short walk to the bead shop where I ooh'd and aah'd at all the offerings, and then was bummed because I felt like I'd need to invest a quarter of a million of my LIFE'S EARNINGS to start a jewelry business :(  That stuff is expensive!  Well, that and I am picky :)

     Anyway, after we got back home, I was feeling pretty good about the day and was even thinking about how much I was going to accomplish.  Well, one thing led to another and the kids were dancing in the living room to music put on by my daughter who knows how to operate iTunes for the most part.  And we got not much done :p  I made them lunch and sent Boochie to a late nap, because he had gotten up late that morning.  Beeps and I DID spend half of that time in pretend-land as we played a lengthy game of ding dong (God did redeem some time, possibly because He knew she needed to have her love tank full for events to come...also see previous post), and then I sat her down to her Time, Money & Fractions learning math computer game, at the Mac.  I was on the laptop still trying to figure out this blog thingy, all the while talking my daughter through every. single. math. problem.

     Now math comes easy for some folks, and not so much for others.  My daughter was a fluent reader by the time she was 4.5, so its safe to say she excels in this area.  Math however....UGH.  Couple that with me being interrupted every 10 seconds, it made for a very annoyed (albeit VERY SELFISH) mommy, so bad mommy moment, I attempted to correct the situation by yelling at her to think of the answer, because I was explaining the process at length and I thought she should know (she was counting coin values and we got as far as the 5 dimes, and 2 nickels, all she needed was to add a penny, so we were at 60 + 1, and she was giving me answers like 67 and 62), and not to get overwhelmed or I was shutting the game off and she was spending the rest of Boochie's naptime in her room.  Yeah, THAT works.  In comes the tantrum. She is overwhelmed!  Why?  Because Math is HARD and mommy was heartless!!  And she is counting on mommy to coach her through this, meanwhile I am dense to the fact that, no, not everything comes easy for my seemingly gifted child, she needs coaching and guidance!  So in backpedaling, I apologize for loosing it, and tell her to turn the game off so we can work on her book together.  She was SO relieved.  That was our answer from the get-go, and had I STARTED THE DAY IN PRAYER and continued in this pattern of constantly praying, asking, 'Lord what now?,'  instead of jumping to my agenda, much of this would have resolved itself.  I would have pushed forward with school instead of this blog.  It was what she needed.

     Well, by the time we found a pencil, Boochie woke up, surprisingly early from his nap.  He is my 3+ hour napper if I will let him, and being that he didn't conk out until 45 min after I put him in bed (he talks to himself, no screaming, etc) I gather that he only slept 1hr and 15 min!  He was a hot mess when he woke up, so needless to say, nothing got done as far as school goes.

     I'd like to say I came to my senses and realized that my day needed to go forward seeking His face, but things went from bad to worse :(  I had a GREAT idea!  Let's text daddy and ask him to go out to eat tonight!  Because when your family is NOT together and regrouped, being in public sounds great!  UGH...although daddy agreed, I place total blame on me for making stupid suggestions, I was totally out of control.  Dinner was nothing short of embarrassing.  Both kids were an ornery mess.  Now when we do go out to eat it is usually a custom of sorts to walk off our dinner.  So Bill suggested some shops nearby.  We both had this WEIRD sense and kept asking each other what was wrong.  So I told Bill I thought we weren't supposed to go anywhere, and he totally agreed.  Naturally Beeps was way bent out of shape about that.  The entire ride home was spent listening to her wail and cry about wanting to go somewhere with us coaching her through the notion that we were in charge and that we didn't ask for her input.  WE FORGOT TO ADD THAT GOD TOLD US NOT TO GO.
   
     Folks, let me just say how important it is that your children know where your authority comes from.  YES it is important they learn to obey you, but more importantly that you point them to YOUR authority.  How else are they going to look to our Heavenly Father for direction when they come of age?

     At any rate, Bill had asked me earlier why he thought the kids were a mess.  I knew our schedule was off by a whopping 2 hours, because Boochie slept in til 9, but on top of that, it was because I didn't give the kids a schedule, so they ran the ship for several hours until he came home.  Now not every day IS scheduled around here, and quite frankly, most aren't, but there was something about today, there was a tug that I was supposed to keep my kids involved...and I missed it.  Totally blew the cue.

     Bill gets Boochie to bed at a decent hour and then spends time reviewing paperwork for his new job.  Meanwhile Beeps and I are going over some schoolwork, as we like to sometimes substitute the readers for bedtime stories.  We get through her bible lessons, and we leave off at Jesus being in the garden of Gethsemane, which I think is a somber point, and not something I'd like to brush off with a chapter of Homer Price, which is a happy-go-lucky book about a young boy detective-of-sorts in the 1940's.  Beeps starts inserting that she wants to do some math and writing. I wasn't done asking her questions about the bible story we just read, but I did tell her that we were leaving off here and saving the math and writing for tomorrow, for it was too late in the evening to try and dedicate brain power to difficult math problems, and even for writing, and proceeded to ask the question.  She starts her ritual heavy panting and works up a real good panic, because what she had anticipated (picking up where we left off HOURS before, our sad attempt at math) wasn't happening, and now her world was upside-down.  I started to pretend like I didn't notice her tantrum, so I continued with my question.  I saw that she was calming herself, and wiping her tears, so I took that opportunity to ask her to pray, because I saw she was in a place where she was wanting control.  Now was a good time to recognize it and give it to the Lord.  We prayed, Beeps asked the Lord to give her the strength to fight the tantrums and to stay calm.  I continued with questions.  Bible lessons complete, and on to bedtime, which wasn't new news, Beeps knew this was coming.  Unfortunately Beeps has a VERY short term memory when it comes to what she just prayed about, because her feelings of disappointment came flooding back full force, and the tantrum with it :(  After everything blew over, after pj's were on and teeth brushed, I did ask her if there was any way she felt wronged tonight, any way she felt that she was right about something and we did not recognize.  Now before you think that I was backing off on my parenting, we don't go seeking approval of our kids on how we did, but I really wanted to see if Beeps really realized that it was her rebellion that led to a most difficult evening, and that it could have been alleviated if she complied.  Our daughter knows that we will listen to her EVERY word, and if she has felt wronged, and we recognize it and agree, we have and will apologize and pray about what it was that was wrong.  We got no such report tonight, she was in full recognition that she was overtired and rebellious.

     However let me add that it was due to MY lack of obedience to the Lord that I think got us here.  However, we cannot lie and make excuses for our children, either.  She owned her sin, as I own mine.

     Lord, PLEASE make me into a diligent wife and mommy...seeking not to be lazy, not the pleasures of this life, not seeking my own, because that isn't love.  I need YOU to show me what pure love is!  I am such a mess, inside and out, please don't let me stay this way!!

     I can choose to be despondent from here or I can choose to look to my LORD for healing, for direction, for purpose in the everyday.  Because HE who has begun a good work in you (me, too!) will be faithful to complete it until the day of Jesus Christ (Phil. 1:6), and I am SO looking forward to that day!  Just trying NOT to ruin my kids in the process!